stead‧fast 
–adjective
1. fixed in direction; steadily directed: a steadfast gaze.
2. firm in purpose, resolution, faith, attachment, etc., as a person: a steadfast friend.
3. unwavering, as resolution, faith, adherence, etc.
4. firmly established, as an institution or a state of affairs.
5. firmly fixed in place or position.

steadfastness
n 1: loyalty in the face of trouble and difficulty


I don't even know where to begin.

The last few days have not been what I originally expected them to be. Something has been off lately, and while I have an idea of what it is, I don't know how to go about fixing it.

I think getting to see Devon was the highlight of my weekend. My heart literally leaped being around him, and yet, while I was so ecstatic to see him, there was this infinite sadness mixed in as well. And hearing him sing...there is a big difference between listening to his voice on cd and hearing him perform live. During each of his performances I was on the verge of tears. Watching him and listening to him brought back so many memories of Bosch and the summer when everything was right, and if not, it was headed in that direction. Devon has this intensity to him when he performs that I've never seen anyone else with. That mixed with his enthusiasm and energy and utmost love for everyone, it all took me back. But he has this new calmness and inner peace to him now, and I envy him so much for that. He's doing exactly what he wants to be doing with his life. Getting caught in the chaos of his celebrity status was exciting.

So being with him took me back to a year and a half ago, when I was very much a different person. Now, how do I go about getting back to that?