on growing up

when i was young, my favorite tree was the willow tree. i thought they were beautiful. i loved the way their trunks were gnarled and weathered, how they sometimes leaned to the side, how their branches curved so gracefully and the leaves hung like a cover swaying in the breeze.

we planted one in our backyard. i couldn't wait for it to grow big enough for me to settle under its shade with a book. sadly, we didn't stay long enough in that house for that dream to come true. but i still loved that tree. i loved watching how it moved with the wind.

but then, the summer i was 19, i lived in a spot nestled in the redwood forest. trees that grew so high we wondered how tall they must actually be. trees who grow, not towards the light, but straight up towards the sun. trees whose roots grow intertwined together, connecting the trees and providing a support system. trees that grow stronger as a result of fire.

i spent countless hours transfixed by their strength and beauty, taking as many opportunities as possible to roam the forest. redwood trees are, to me, the epitome of strength. adversity only makes them stronger, they never waver in the direction of their growth, and they grow in such a way to support one another.

they are inspiring.

somewhat recently

2012

currently nestled under a blanket on the couch listening to the sounds of the wind and rain. it's supposed to snow tonight. first snow of the year. which sounds cozy to me.

so far, this year has been full of frustrations. which is not altogether a bad thing. because eventually, frustrations pave the way for improvement. but these frustrations leave me tired and are taking the fight out of me. and as much as i try to stay positive and optimistic and remain hopeful that these are just growing pains, it's making me feel off balance. thank goodness the fast is coming up. it always has such perfect timing. i'm eagerly looking forward to early mornings and moments of quiet solitude and reflection and the opportunity to refocus.

yesterday, i went for a walk with a friend, followed by frozen yogurt and hamburgers and fries. the weather was lovely and it felt so nice to be outside in the sun. naturally, my heart got excited for warm weather adventures: picnics, reading a good book outside, bike rides, enjoying ice cream in the sun, hiking, tree climbing, catching fireflies. my soul is in need of some california loving this summer. family time, laughter, frivolity, delicious food, beach visits, scenery, reunions with favorites, redwood trees, sleeping outside under layers of blankets and the stars. it needs to happen.

until then, time for growth and improvement.

fresh starts

new year, new beginnings, fresh start.

last year was pretty full of some major milestones. like finishing grad school, finding a legit full-time job, officially moving 350 miles away from my family, living by myself for the first time ever. last year was also pretty full of some minor milestones.

all are equally important in the growth process. this year though...i have some good feelings about this year. i've got my fingers crossed that this year will be all about refining and improving. but most of all, this year will be a year of expanding. my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, patience, creativity, and most importantly of all, my heart.

so 2012, bring on the greatness because i am ready!