spent

i haven't been able to shake my exhaustion lately. exhaustion coming from so many different directions: from pressure to be more and do more. from the stress of things not going as planned. from the countless drives made downtown. from empty promises. from neglect. from hypocrites. i am just tired. i am tired of giving and giving and others taking from me without giving in return. and i know the answer is to just keep giving, but every once in a while it would be nice to take.

the last weekend in january: perfection masked by difficulty. my patience/temper was definitely tested. all the better as it definitely needs testing in order to be refined. oh goodness. i spent the weekend at the home of a couple who i have known for ten years now. and they are now married with two children. two beautiful children who are amazingly wonderful and who possess the most wonderful virtues. and the couple, with their constant support and love and encouragement. i am continuously amazed by the beautiful people i have been fortunate enough to meet.

i realized the other day that the majority of my time is spent with either people over the age of 30 or under 18. which is fine as, besides a few notable exceptions, i am not a fan of kids my age, they wear me out with their incessant nonsense and silliness. and these notable exceptions, oh gosh, they are so beautiful. and i can't get enough of them. regardless, i am in love with the people i have been interacting with lately.

the other day i was suddenly reminded of the fact that i'm not supposed to be here right now. that if my plans hadn't been thwarted midway through, i would not be where i am right now physically. and that, probably, this delay is serving some purpose. that there is more for me to learn and observe and absorb before i leave. so instead of sitting back idly, i am reminded to continue to absorb from the beautiful people that i know. and to plan some trips to visit the beauties i know who don't live nearby (and of those lovelies, there are too many and my heart is anxious to see them and to get to know them better).

there is always room for growth and love.